So I'm NOT Supposed to Struggle?

I was recently told this in a manner of speaking in a Facebook conversation. This irritates me at a level within that I cannot even begin to describe. The premise was that since I am a pastor, and therefore have arrived spiritually (tongue firmly planted in cheek), I should not struggle with life's difficulties. This is in the context of my unborn daughter that has been diagnosed with spina bifida.

If anything this has further intensified the struggle. I do not mean that since I am in Christian ministry that I should not struggle or some such nonsense, because simple empirical evidence would militate otherwise. I do not mean that I should not struggle because I'm a Christian. Jesus happened to promise the exact opposite of that sentiment.

I have seen a good bit in my short tenure of ministry. I've stood in hospital rooms unable to do anything to alleviate obvious pain. I've gone over to homes in the middle of the night to offer comfort after the death of a loved one. I've prayed for people who were sick and they didn't get better. I tried to share God's love with a young man in the hospital writhing in pain after a car crash who flatly rejected any notion of God.

I've watched people die. That scene is just not easily shaken.

But, I've also prayed for people who have gotten better. I've quite literally seen miracles take place on hospital beds. So it amplifies the struggle. I know that my baby may or MAY NOT be OK. But to say I should not struggle is patently foolish. I may be a minister, but I'm also human; a deeply flawed human who doesn't always get things right. I'm a deeply flawed human who has committed himself to a perfect Lord and Savior who is infinitely good and desires only the best for him, his family, and the baby growing in his wife's womb.

I ache. The struggle is deep. The struggle is difficult. Its intense. To say otherwise is an illusion of a sort that I am not familiar and don't care to be familiar.

A Note of Finality

"Consider the work of God, for who can make straight what He has made crooked?" Ecclesiastes 7:13

As many of you may or may not know, my wife is pregnant with our sixth child; a child with spina bifida. If you don't know anything about it, the Wikipedia article is a good place to start. Needless to say, I have been rattled to my core over this. The Lord has trusted unto my care five amazingly healthy and beautiful children. So, my first thought when we received the initial diagnosis of number six was the wonderfully self-serving "Why us?" It took some prayer and contemplation to arrive at the necessary destination of acceptance. I stood in a church service following the diagnosis and gave glory to God. He alone knows this baby right now.

I began praying--fervently. I knew of numerous others who also began praying for us. Many told me they were praying for a miracle. Some even ventured to claim audaciously that this baby was going to surprise all the doctors. I typically accept such statements with much trepidation and even fear, because a part of me just says "that's putting God to the test." Don't misunderstand; with God all things are possible. I believe that. And please do not think that I don't believe God cannot heal my baby. He can.

But...

What if He chooses not to do so? What then? Do I stop believing? Do I lose faith? Has providence failed? Do I turn my credentials in? What? Like my other children, God is at work knitting her together, fashioning her in my wife's belly. And this child will also be a wonderful gift from Him, fearfully and wonderfully made. Just not like the others. Yes, she will be a challenge. I know that and I am ready to accept that challenge. I'll meet it dead on even.

I came to the above conclusion after a note of finality was forced upon me. We have been scheduled for routine ultrasounds to monitor Miriam's progress. (I like that name by the way. I picked it out.) So, we went on December 23rd for one of these "comprehensive" ultrasounds. They look at everything. And I mean everything, fingers, toes, bladder, kidneys, brain, heart, even the umbilical cord.

While watching the show, even with a few little fingers that looked like they were waving "hi" to daddy, there was a noticeable addendum to the ultrasound pictures. Picture wind being sucked from your sails at this moment.

In spina bifida babies, there is a membrane that the body naturally forms around the lesion in the back. It is a defense mechanism to protect the spinal column, because it is, quite literally open. Plus, it becomes filled with cerebrospinal fluid. The membrane could clearly be seen in this particular ultrasound. The technician pointed it out. I was mortified. All words fled me at that moment. I have been very emotional throughout this time and even without my wife knowing. At this moment, inside I was a wreck. A seven-car pileup.

Seeing that membrane confirmed all of my fears. Yes, my baby has spina bifida! I know its not the end of the world, and many people have much more trying difficulties than this. But she is my baby and its natural to want a healthy and whole baby. During my morning readings, the above verse from Solomon's writing was part one particularly glum and sad day. So, I began to consider the work of God.

Perhaps He did make Miriam crooked. Perhaps He was pleased to do so. Perhaps He wanted to give me a baby with a special need. Not for the baby, but for me. Perhaps I've been found worthy of a greater honor than any man can ever bestow. Perhaps. I know a lot of the preceding is bordering on mere sentimentality. But there is one thing I cannot deny. Miriam is a precious gift. And I'll be glad to receive her.

Wow, are boys different!

Having four girls right in a row makes you think you are the perfect parent. You think you are ready for anything, and then you get thrown an errant curve ball. Boys are incredibly different. My son just likes to take things apart for no good reason. It isn't uncommon for him to tear something up without blinking an eye. He can get into the most unusual predicaments. To find him sitting on the kitchen table is commonplace. What is it about boys that make them want to flush the toilet? Over and over? Henry seems to be having the same problem, and he linked a great cartoon that explains it really well.

The Lord be with us, Henry!

Evangelists on the Playground

This evening we took the children to the awesomely cool "rec park" in Waynesville. Playing tag with my second daughter, I wiped out trying to clear the tongue of a slide. It was quite a sight to behold as the preacher went down into the mulch, skinning his elbow. One fellow near me, though he didn't offer to help me up, did offer a word of consolation; "At least you're enjoying it." Heh. Yeah, I guess.

I try to stay close by the children as they make friends; call me overprotective. My two oldest daughters had made two little friends and had been playing pretty hard with them. As my oldest was resting on some of the equipment chatting with her new friend, she began to talk about faith in Christ.

My second oldest was playing on the balance beam with another little girl and she asked the little girl where she attends church. She then asked her to join us at our church.

We either make evangelism too hard or we have turned it into something it ought not be. Out of the course of natural relationships, my little girls started conversations about Jesus and His church. They didn't use a conversation guide, a canned presentation, or a formal approach. Perhaps this is the element we are missing in our evangelism methodology; the personal touch.

The Laughingstock of Waynesville

Well, maybe not the laughingstock, but this is still pretty funny. We have a large family compared to others and we have just simply outgrown our current mode of transportation. We had a Mercury Villager van and we were packed like sardines in a can. My oldest daughter was in the back seat between her sisters with both her hips touching her sisters' booster seats, not to mention sitting in only a lap belt.

I had to go back to Halifax County, VA for a funeral last week. The lady died suddenly and requested in her will that I officiate the funeral service. I took the whole family because we were all very close to her, spending the night in a motel. On the return trip, we passed through South Boston (VA, not MA) and my wife cried out, "Look!" On the used lot of Crowell Motor Company was a 2007 Ford Econoline E-350.

Yep; if you're thinking fifteen passenger, you would be right. We bought a fifteen passenger van. I originally wanted an eleven passenger, just because they are not quite so big and attention-grabbing. The equally funny part about the particular van we bought was that we were told that a church bought it originally, sold it back to the dealership and bought an eighteen passenger bus instead. The salesman could have kept that tidbit to himself, but I guess with a family my size and my being a pastor, he felt it was necessary. The salesman then suggested that we could even use the van for church functions. Sigh...

While living in VA, my wife's OB-GYN had seven kids and everyone made fun of them because they actually bought a used airport van. "Hey, look everyone, here come the Rosches!" Well, now I can hear everyone exclaiming, "Hey, look everyone, here come the Sisks!"It isn't that we didn't blend in well everywhere we went anyway, but now, we are plainly obvious to everyone. Oh well. I guess I have sacrificed image for safety and comfort.

(Our digital camera has been left in SC at our in-laws, so the picture is not our van; ours is a tan color, though the same body style.)

Some Funny

Talk about a paranoid parent. This exclamation actually happened.

One of my daughters was pushing the stroller around the yard today. I did not have a clear line of sight on either her or the stroller, but I could see that she had the stroller tilted up into a "wheelie." I yelled, "Leah, stop! You're gonna dump Michael out of there! He will get hurt!"

My other daughter, Lily, said, "Uh, Daddy...you're...holding...Michael."

Yep. Paranoid.

Memorial Day

Memorial Day

My New Favorite Commercial

Seeing as how we just had a little boy, that makes this all the more meaningful. Plus, seeing as how the little guy squirted me at just a few days of age. Enjoy!

The Maxwells on Television

From Steve and Terri Maxwell, Keeping our Children's Hearts

"I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes..." (Psalm 101:3). Television is filled with wickedness and evil. Even if there are shows that would be okay, the commercials won't be acceptable. How can we expect to keep our sons' hearts if they are continually exposed to immorality and immodestly dressed women on television? Will our daughters want to be morally pure when continually exposed to romance that is idolized on television? Won't our children's hearts be drawn to being entertained if they are allowed to spend their time in front of the television? Will we grow an appetite in our children for laziness by letting them watch? Consider well the spiritual outcomes of children watching television.

I share the Maxwells' concerns about television, and they go on to suggest that nothing good can come of any media experience. Though I have enjoyed many of the premises of this book, several of their ideas about sheltering seem a bit overstated.

Our Example as Parents

I have been reading the Maxwell's book, Keeping Our Children's Hearts, and I came across this quote in my reading today from J.C Ryle, a quote the Maxwell's reference in regards to the example parents need to be to their children.

Instruction, and advice, and commands will profit little, unless they are backed up by the pattern of your won life. Your children will never believe you are in earnest, and really wish them to obey you, so long as your actions contradict your counsel.

Sound advice that may have a more broader application than just the relationship between parent and children.

Some Funny

I was talking with a family we had just met at my daughter's soccer practice...which by the way, I am coaching defense, how cool is that??!!?? Bet all y'all didn't know that, huh? Well, anyway...

The family's daughter was wearing some extremely cool sports glasses. I remarked how cool I thought they were and they began explaining an eye disorder that she had that necessitated the special glasses.

I expressed my dismay and then asked, "Is it congenital?"

"Oh no, she was born that way."

Sigh.

Keeping our Children's Hearts

As a parent, what is the most valuable thing you can think of? There may be several answers to that question. My oldest child is now ten years old and already I can see and feel the subtle effects of a world vying for her attention. The world exerts a strong pull. How can I as a concerned father who loves his children counter this phenomenon? The Apostle John teaches us, "Do not love the world or the things in the world (1 John 2:15)," but possessing such a natural bent to love that which God abhors, how can I as a fallible man with the same natural tendency, keep his children from falling away from the faith later on in their lives?

I am steadily becoming convinced that the answer lies in who possesses the child's heart. Scripture teaches us much about the human heart; its proclivity to sin, its various expressions, its need to be guarded, and also its need to be held. The heart represents who you are; often you have heard someone described as having a "good heart" or a "bad heart". It is a description of who that person is at a fundamental level.

I am reading a book by Steve and Teri Maxwell, Keeping Our Children's Hearts. (I hope to list a full review of the book on the blog soon.) The authors state a fundamental premise to parenting and one that I have, to a degree, failed: to keep our children from abandoning the faith altogether when they are older, we must posses their hearts when they are younger.

As I have read the first several chapters, I have found that much of my parenting and discipline has not been borne of my relationship with my kids but rather more like behavior modification techniques; "you do this or x, y, and z will happen." The premise is so true; though God does discipline His children (Hebrews 12:5-11) and God expects (and even demands) obedience, He desires that we obey Him out of a heart of love for him.

Now don't get me wrong, my kids love me and I love them. Don't read that I have been an utter failure as a daddy in that sentence! However, I do not naturally have their hearts, as God does not naturally have mine. It may be possible to raise good, godly children yet not have their hearts. In my short tenure of ministry I have heard lament after lament of how a child had slipped away and was consumed by the world, having fallen away from faith in Christ. They make statements such as, "They're good kids, they just don't go to church like they should"; or, "Christ was such a vital part of their lives when they were younger, now, not so much."

My goal is to raise good, godly kids, not just now, but to give them a faith that will remain. It is not enough to have kids that behave well, do not cause any problems, or simply "mind". What is best are kids that love Christ and all that emanates from that love. And that is why the most valuable things in my life, as a parent, are my children's hearts.

SPLAT!

Plus, Ill top it off with a few lousy church signs, in honor of the fact that I do not post out here like I should.

Need a Second Opinion?
Ask Jesus!

So much for "Seek first..."; you know the rest. And you've got to love homonyms; even the overused ones. Always good for church signs.This first one I cannot believe still makes it on church signs.

No Jesus? No peace.
Know Jesus? Know peace!

And...

Our Sundays are better than Baskin Robbins.

Now I don't want to go to church or get ice cream. This next pastor has some life issues.

Life stinks
But we have the pews for you.

Yeah, I cannot believe that one was on a church sign either. And from the same church:

Behind every good man
is a surprised mother-in-law.

Yep; some serious life issues. If I had something against my mother-in-law, I would just say it to her face; no way would I use the church's sign to air my grievances with her. Oh wait...

And for the 2008 presidential race...

God loves you
and He approved this message.

And with that, I bid you adieu...

A Cause for Praise

I blogged last on my good friend's daughter and asked you to pleas pray for her. Improvement has been really slow, considering her condition before what happened, but there is much reason to be thankful unto the Lord. I have copied a portion of the email I received today that gives us much hope for her complete recovery.

Today is day 17 since [our baby girl's] adventure began and day 6 at Kluge Children's Rehab Center. In case you were wondering, she did not have a stroke this time. It's like her brain is 'bruised' but it has the full potential to regain everything she lost while seizing. Whether or not she does regain it all remains to be seen. She can sit up in a wheelchair for 2-3 hours now; and her head control is improving, but not what it used to be. She is moving her left arm and leg more. She smiles easily and can say a few words, but 'hi' is not one of them yet. Her voice is still at a whisper. She ate about a teaspoon of oatmeal twice yesterday and the day before. They are changing her feeding tube feeds to match a more normal eating habit. She should be there by tomorrow. We're not sure how much longer she will need the feeding tube. She has gotten very good at pulling it out, but needs to improve her swallow before it can be removed permanently.

They are concerned that she regain "hi" in her vocabulary because that was her standard greeting for anytime of the day. She still has some way to go, but her progress thus far is a great reason to rejoice. Thank you for your prayers.

Please Pray for My Friend's Daughter

I would like to ask for your prayers for a very good friend's daughter. This has happened suddenly and I do not have permission from him to be very specific. His teenage daughter is mentally retarded and has been confined to a wheelchair for neary all her life. This past week she caught the flu and had a hard time battling it. It caused her to have several strokes and it has left her clinically dead. She is on life support and they will reevaluate her condition on Monday and will probably let her go. This is a very difficult time for all, especially her older brother.

God bless you, my friends, and thank you for your prayers. Please lift up this precious family.

Happy with My Affliction

My good blogging friend Selah V blogged here about being content with one's affliction. After the week I had last week, I found the asking of the question, Are you happy with your affliction? almost insulting.

If I had a worst enemy, I would not wish an ear infection upon whomever that may be. It has been a nightmarish week, but a week that has reminded me of some things that I needed to be reminded of. I have been reminded of the love of the people of God.

Had I not come down with an ear infection, we would not have been the recipients of such unbelievable displays of God's tenderness and grace through His people. Two men hogtied me and took me to the ER last Sunday afternoon; many of the saints from the new church I serve called to check on us (one dear lady has called daily); one gentleman took me to the doctor on Wednesday so we would not have to get all the children out in the cold; and some have prepared meals to make it easier on my sweet wife, who has been unfalteringly sweet to me.

Honestly, we feel part of the new church. We feel like we belong. We feel like part of the family. In this way, God has moved in my heart and showed me how the people of God are supposed to care for one another. This has been a pleasant experience, though bitterly painful physically.

I also have been reminded of the unfailing goodness of God. Even in the midst of a nasty ear infection, glimpses of God's goodness shined through. When my three year old crawled in the bed with a stack of books content to lay beside me and look at them, knowing there was no way on this planet I could read them. Honeybunny Funnybunny was going to have to wait and she knew it. Or waking up and finding a picture on the nightstand, drawn lovingly by a five year old so daddy would feel better. And the get well cards--all drawn on yellow legal paper. They could have been drawn on the back of a brown grocery bag and I wouldn't have cared.

And this may sound cheesy and if so, so be it. As I lay in my bed, I could look out the window and see the steeple of the church. It was a constant source of encouragement and a reminder of God's love and the love of the people of God. It also reminded me that God's church is much more--so much more--than just a red brick building (with a white steeple).

Yes, God is good. Plus, the response and movement of the Spirit in my own soul as I preached both services today was overwhelming . I love to preach--I cannot lie. I believe God has called me and put a passion in my heart to teach and preach His word and being out of the pulpit caused a gnawing in my bones. Right now, the folks are getting Acts on Sunday morning and Genesis on Sunday evening. God has blessed and I believe He will continue. I am thankful for a responsive congregation and folks that enjoy talking about the Word.

Also, I am reminded of the unfailing love of a woman. My sweet wife has put up with a lot this past week. Second to God, I owe her an enormous debt of gratitude. Thanks, honey!

Occasionally, it takes something serious to be reminded of some key things about God. Perhaps next time I won't have to stare at the inside of my bedroom (in pain) for a week to figure those things out.

Human Again!

I want to thank everyone for their prayer support over the past several days. I woke up this morning and an odd thing had occurred--I felt HUMAN again! Yesterday was the most worrisome day of all as evidently some of the crud started to drain out of my ear. It made me dizzy and muddle-headed. I couldn't walk in a straight line, I couldn't focus, and worst of all I was beastly snippy at the children.

I am still a little stuffed up today but I believe the ear infection has dealt its worst blow as the steroids and antibiotic have knocked it for a loop instead of me. For three days I have been humming the little diddy Human Again from Disney's Beauty and the Beast (by far one of Disney's better animated creations). This song was not included in the original theatrical version (for several reasons) but in a re-release on DVD. I don't care much for the song but it accurately describes how I feel right now. After enjoying the three minute flick, take a moment and answer my questions that follow. Many, many thanks to all of you.



I have been considering my blogging out here at The RP. It is something that I have enjoyed immensely but as of late have not found any desire to write with the same tenacity that I once did. I find myself doing most of my blogging out at The RP2. However, I wanted to poll your opinion of this site, if in fact you still read out here, even though I have not posted anything beyond trivialities in quite some time. So, what do you think? Would you like to see more theology posts, family posts, homeschooling, what??? I need help in that regard and would like to hear from you, if you are so inclined and have the time. Many blessings!

I Need Prayer, Please...

This past Saturday I got up with a debilitating ear infection and there seems to be no particular end in sight. I have never felt a pain like that. It started inside my ear, worked its way toward the top of my head, down into my jaw, and further down into my throat. I was unable to preach either Sunday service.

Two sweet, sweet men from the church took me to the Emergency Room. The doctor told me my ear looked bad if I was two, even worse for being thirty-five. I got a shot with an eight foot needle and about a gallon of antibiotic. As another church member chided me, at least the tip was not square pointed. :)

It hurts to laugh, talk, smile, think, read, even to look at this monitor. My kids have been really sweet to me though. Everyone needs kids like mine.

So, all that being said, please pray for me. I need to feel better. Thanks.

Something Funny...

My five year old asked me a perplexing question...

Daddy, how do they get the meat without scaring the cows?

Uhhhh......

Opportunities to be UnChristian

Moving always brings with it its challenges. There are extra bills to pay, changing addresses with creditors, getting utilities turned on, getting settled in a new community, adjusting to a new lifestyle, and taking advantage of opportunities to be UnChristian.

I have had a couple of those since my family and I have made the move to Waynesville, NC. The transition time always takes your character into question for some reason and when those clerks take your money and discover you are "from out of town" (though you just moved here) there always seems to be that cross-ways glance of affirmation with the manager. We stopped at K-Mart to pick up some necessities. My wife desired to patronize K-Mart because we literally had not shopped at K-Mart for nearly ten years. (I'm not intimating that this is her fault, by the way.)

We had just recently received our new checks from the new bank and the clerk, a very young lady, nearly beamed as she welcomed us to Waynesville. She ran the check through the verifier and to our chagrin, it was rejected for some reason. "That typically happens to out of town folks."

Wait a minute. We aren't from out of town. We live here now. I have a local bank account.

To our chagrin the check had been rejected and she pointed us to an 800 number that we could call and see why the check was rejected. We had already written several checks since our transition and I knew we had ample funds in the checking account. Needless to say I was upset. So was my wife, who does not handle these things well.

We began scrounging for cash and could only come up with about three-quarters of the amount of the bill. "Is there something you don't need that you can take off the bill?" The intonation of her voice placed the emphasis on "don't need."

We need all these things or else we would not be here buying them. What is wrong with you?

My wife chimed in, "Put this back." The toilet paper? Are you out of your mind? I curled an eyebrow in response; "It's OK," she nodded back. I sure hoped she knew what she was doing (my wife, that is).

As we were going through a couple of other items we potentially "didn't need", the manager joined us and with all the tenacity of Barney Fife, "What seems to be the problem here?"

Oh, no problem sir, just the riff-raff trying to rip off your store. The clerk explained the dilemma and I felt like Chevy Chase in a National Lampoon's movie.

"Oh, this happens all the time to out of town (there's that phrase again) folk." Just call that 800 number and they will work it out. Thank you for shopping K-Mart." Did he just say that? He literally said that.

Nevertheless, we got what few items our meager amount of cash-on-hand would allow, sans toilet paper, and headed out the store with our tails tucked between our legs. When we arrived home and tucked the kiddos in bed, I promptly called the infernal 800 number that had been thrust in my face. After pressing one for English (Arrrghhhh!), I answered all the automated questions and finally got to talk to a real, live, human person.

"Ahh! I see the problem. The clerk misentered your driver's license number. She duplicated the first two."

So it was neither my fault nor my wife's, nor Barney's, nor the kids who were obviously agitated because we had been standing in line so long next to all the impulse buy items that they so desperately wanted to touch and had been told no about a hundred times already yet the temptations still remained and they were tired and ready to go to bed and had drawn enough attention to warrant a police investigation; IT WAS THE CLERK'S FAULT.

Later that night I thought of the myriad of ways I might have handled that situation and I breathed a prayer before going to bed, thanking the Lord for helping me to hold my tongue and not telling Barney to put his bullet back in his pocket. Being prepared for those kinds of incidents is not easy, but thankfully, I was. Though I was greatly irritated at the situation, it turned out to be a simple mistake, one I have been known to do. And I didn't shame my Lord in the process.