If anything this has further intensified the struggle. I do not mean that since I am in Christian ministry that I should not struggle or some such nonsense, because simple empirical evidence would militate otherwise. I do not mean that I should not struggle because I'm a Christian. Jesus happened to promise the exact opposite of that sentiment.
I have seen a good bit in my short tenure of ministry. I've stood in hospital rooms unable to do anything to alleviate obvious pain. I've gone over to homes in the middle of the night to offer comfort after the death of a loved one. I've prayed for people who were sick and they didn't get better. I tried to share God's love with a young man in the hospital writhing in pain after a car crash who flatly rejected any notion of God.
I've watched people die. That scene is just not easily shaken.
But, I've also prayed for people who have gotten better. I've quite literally seen miracles take place on hospital beds. So it amplifies the struggle. I know that my baby may or MAY NOT be OK. But to say I should not struggle is patently foolish. I may be a minister, but I'm also human; a deeply flawed human who doesn't always get things right. I'm a deeply flawed human who has committed himself to a perfect Lord and Savior who is infinitely good and desires only the best for him, his family, and the baby growing in his wife's womb.
I ache. The struggle is deep. The struggle is difficult. Its intense. To say otherwise is an illusion of a sort that I am not familiar and don't care to be familiar.